The Talking Dog

While reading the paper one day, a man saw an ad, “For sale: talking dog”. Although skeptical by nature, his curiosity got the better of him. He called the phone number in the ad, and made an appointment to see the dog.

When he arrived at the address the seller answered the door, assuring him that the dog really did talk—he could see for himself. The man was brought through the house and into the back yard, where he saw a rather ordinary-looking dog sitting under a tree.

He approached the dog, and spoke out loud to him, “So I hear you can talk—is this true?”

The dog looked up, and replied, “Yup; it’s true. I really can talk.”

“My God!” said the man.

“How long have you been able to talk—when did you realize you had this ability?!” said the man, who could hardly believe his eyes and ears. There could be no doubt; this dog was actually conversing with him.

“Oh, I’ve known since I was a puppy. I was different that the others in my litter, you know. It caused some problems at first.”

Since the man had never had such a conversation with a dog before, he wasn’t sure what to ask the dog next.

He thought for a moment, and asked, “So then, how about if you just tell me about your life; what have you been doing with your skill as a talking dog?”

The dog took his time with his story, as he related his experiences when he was first recruited by the CIA and the State Department to act as a snitch or spy when left among foreign diplomats to eavesdrop on their conversations. He would then report back to his handler as to what they’d been saying. The dog said he was fluent in five languages in addition to English.

After his career with the CIA, he was sent to act as a stud in breeding programs for search and rescue dogs and for military dogs. He was assigned to mate with the brightest and most beautifully conditioned female dogs in the country. This, he explained, was a full time job and that all that mating was exhausting. And so, he said, after a year or so he just got tired of it, and ran away to find his current owner.

After hearing such an account of his career as a talking dog, the man was flabbergasted, but also deeply impressed with the dog. He definitely wanted to buy this dog.

He turned to the owner and said, “This is an amazing animal. I don’t know whether I can afford him—how much are you asking?”

The owner replied, “You can have him for $30.”

“What?! I don’t understand—why so little for such an amazing dog?!!”

The owner responded sheepishly, “Well, I really oughta’ tell ya. He lies a lot.”

[The above story has appeared in several forms, and has not been attributed to any particular author to my knowledge. I have shamelessly taken poetic license in making my own changes to it.]